December 30, 2009

Recipe: 100 Things About Chris Perrin

Author: Chris Perrin
Creepy Chris

Creepy Chris

I’ve finally gone and done it. I have decided to march in the footsteps of those who came before me and am now writing an About section for my blog. And like those blogging giants before me, I’ve decided to do it in a Top 100 List format.

See, I realize that my readers get a glimpse of the man behind the blog in the midst of my writing. From my vignettes about how recipes came about, you’ve probably come to know that I have a wife (Mrs. WellDone) and a son, (BWD, Jr.) and some good friends in the Kansas City culinary community. You now probably know that I’m from Kansas City.

(Don’t worry, I won’t cheap out on you and only give you a list of 99 things now. I’ll still do the full 100. Besides, I wouldn’t want to cheat the people who did know I was from Kansas City.)

So, without further ado…

  1. I was finally convinced to do this list from my twitter pal QueenOfQuirky after we’d talked for several weeks and I had no idea she was from Kansas City, too. I figured reading 100 things would clue me in a bit more.
  2. It didn’t. It helped I guess.
  3. I am not a classically trained chef until the culinary world realizes watching 80 hours per week of Food Network is a food education.
  4. I do have a certification from the Kansas City Culinary Institute which means I went through 9 weeks of cooking instruction. I was vegan for half of that.
  5. I was vegetarian for 18 months and vegan for 4. I miss it without actually wanting to go back.
  6. I began veg*n for health reasons. I stopped because I didn’t want to be unable to experience good food for health reasons. I did end up joining a gym.
  7. I’m not normally as creepy as I look in that picture. Normally.
  8. The worst thing I do as a food blogger is come up with budget meals. Boo savings. Yay lobster!
  9. The best thing I do as a food blogger is meet chefs and see the passion in their whole being as they cook and talk about food.
  10. Cooking Indian food scares me. So many spices in one tiny dish.
  11. When I cook, the only music I listen to is O.A.R.’s Live From Madison Square Garden I know not why this tradition was started, but it’s too late to change now.
  12. My knives are Wustof Twin Cuisine blades. It took me two weeks to settle on them and I haven’t looked back since.
  13. I am writing this list at 1:40 AM because I don’t have time to do it any other time.
  14. I prefer lamb belly over pork belly. It’s a texture thing I thing.
  15. The only lamb belly I ever had was made by a wife whose husband has made the only pork belly I’ve ever had. Incidentally, the wife runs the second best restaurant in Kansas City and the husband runs my second favorite restaurant in Kansas City.
  16. My favorite restaurant and the best is Jasper’s (duh.)
  17. If I didn’t think it sounded so creepy, I would totally become president of the local Taylor Swift fan club. Well, maybe not. That sounds horribly nerdy, doesn’t it?
  18. Taylor Swift is on the television as I type this, but Mike Doughty Coheed and Cambria Bob Marley Bon Iver is playing on my laptop. Conservation of electricity be damned!
  19. I believe cooking a good meal for friends is better than eating a good meal made by someone else.
  20. The most important ingredient in my kitchen is love. Yes, that sounds dorky, but I don’t care.
  21. The second most important ingredient in my kitchen is my own blood. Seriously, I cut myself making chili once and it was the best chili I’ve ever made.
  22. I call everyone sir or ma’am. That upsets a lot of the women I know. So I call those women “Master” or “Miss” depending on irritating I want to be.
  23. I love blogging, but I love Tweeting more. I like being able to know I’m helping someone and not having to wait for Google Analytics to tell me I helped someone.
  24. The best dish I’ve ever blogged was Fried Lean Pockets. It’s the only way I’ll eat them.
  25. If I could live anywhere in the world and not worry about money, it would be Los Angeles.
  26. Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker, has the permanent right to call me up and ask me to fly to Los Angeles and make her dinner, which I would do on my own dime. I have the biggest celebrity crush on her.
  27. So does all of the members of O.A.R., Coheed and Cambria, and the Dave Matthews Band as well as Taylor Swift and Mike Doughty. Bob Marley, I’m pretty sure you’re no longer with us and as such feel weird about letting you in the house.
  28. My ex-boss knows members of O.A.R. Sadly I have yet to get tangible proof of this.
  29. My favorite condiment is sriracha. Sugar + tomato + spice = teh awesum
  30. There is a difference between Greek, Italian and Spanish olive oil and I better not catch you using the Spanish olive in Greek food, Greek olive oil in Italian food and so on. You only get one warning.
  31. Unless you live in Kansas, I won’t catch you.
  32. Number one place I want to visit: Salt Lake City. Can you guess why?
  33. I was the first guy host of the Girl’s Night Out (#gno) Twitter party. The topic was chocolate and romance. We spent most of the time talking about romance. I felt out of my league.
  34. If I was on a dessert island, the one thing I would want with me is a boat with a GPS and functioning communication system. Failing that, I’ll settle for garlic.
  35. I want to own a restaurant when I grow up.
  36. I will eat a Rao’s in New York one day.
  37. Bobby Flay never responded to my lasagna throwdown challenge. My guess is that this stems from fear.
  38. I hate cold weather. So does my garden.
  39. My son, who is four, likes to peel potatoes. He can peel 2 in the time it takes me to peel 10, but it’s awesome to watch him try.
  40. BWD, Jr. is a picky eater. HOW DID I SPAWN A PICKY EATER?
  41. My favorite three food personalities (in order) are: Robert Irvine, Gordon Ramsey, Alton Brown. I don’t know what that means.
  42. I hate baking. But surprisingly enough, I don’t suck at it.
  43. I got a smoker for Christmas in 2009. Hello brisket. Hello competition.
  44. If I could cook for Robert Irvine, I would make him bangers and mash.
  45. If I could cook for Gordon Ramsey, I would make him lasagna. (Why, because it’s what I make best.)
  46. If I could cook for Alton Brown, I would make Asian short ribs because the man seems like meat. I’d also do something crazy with liquid nitrogen, hopefully harming neither of us in the process.
  47. My biggest claim to fame is that I’ve never made something so bad the dogs wouldn’t eat it.
  48. I have 5 dogs.
  49. I don’t like the name of my blog so much. I wish I had been more creative like TasteLikeCrazy, who told me she didn’t like her blog name. I offered to trade. She said no.
  50. My grandfather was Layne, my father Allen Layne, I am Christopher Allen, and my son has three middle names, one of them is Christopher.
  51. I don’t like balsamic vinegar. There, I said it.
  52. Actually, I don’t like what gets passed off to American grocery stores as balsamico. That stuff is only good if it’s reduced with sugar.
  53. I got in trouble for taking my wife to a tapas bar. She should have known better.
  54. I had to explain to my mom what motor boating and getting jiggy was. Why me?
  55. I used to podcast about nerdy things. It took until I was in my late 20s to publicly acknowledge I was a nerd. But now I own it.
  56. I did play football in high school. So I was a jock, too.
  57. Well, I guess technically I needed to be good to be a jock, huh?
  58. I debated in high school. Which made me a smarmy, know-it-all nerd jock. Oddly enough, I never really fit in in high school.
  59. If I could go on a culinary vacation to anywhere in the world, I would head to Chengdu in Sichuan province. I blame Fuchsia Dunlop.
  60. I love NPR exept during football season.
  61. I find it remarkable how different Scottish, Irish, and English cuisine is. Seriously, did they hate each other so much they couldn’t eat the same thing?
  62. I would go on Chopped if I had the chance. I could make a dish out of weird ingredients.
  63. Scott Conant scares me.
  64. I’d like to buy Aaron Sanchez a beer, maybe at Chris Costentino’s place where we could drink microbeers and dine on some weird organ meat or bugs.
  65. I would go Iron Chef and rock their judge’s world. Look out Iron Chef Morimoto, I have all the world of respect for you and would love to learn at your side, but I’d pick you in an instant.
  66. I’m still trying to interview Jennifer Carroll from Top Chef. Any help would be appreciate.
  67. I am more afraid of Scott Conant than Gordon Ramsey. Gordon Ramsey seems like a nice guy under all the F bombs. Scott Conant’s eyes seem to burn with the evil from the fires of hell.
  68. My favorite movie is Return of the Jedi. My favorite war movie is Saving Private Ryan. My favorite food movie is No Reservations. Again, I don’t know what that means.
  69. Because it’s not germane to food, I don’t mention it, but I am a man of God and I go to the most accepting church ever with the ugliest paint job ever. However, I promise not to get all weird with the God talk in any recipes. Even a recipe for divinity.
  70. I bought a Wii because I wanted the Food Network’s Cooking Challenge game. However, I am too cheap to pay $40 for a Wii game.
  71. If you ever need something overanalyzed, call me.
  72. My favorite non-garlic spice is cumin. My favorite herb is basil.
  73. I don’t cuss on my blog or when I tweet. Ever with one notable exception: my post on Broke Ass Gourmet. I think swearing projects an air of unprofessionalism. So it’s really too f[bleeping]ing bad I swear like a sailor in real life. Seriously, the s word is like my best friend.
  74. I think my dog’s food (fish and rice) smells better than the Taco Bell I had tonight for dinner.
  75. Signature dish: lasagna
  76. If I were any ingredient, what would I be? Garlic. Because I go with just about everything and turn sweet in the oven.
  77. I didn’t even consider culinary school out of high school. I had no idea they existed. I thought all chefs got their start at Applebee’s. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
  78. I believe the three most important skills any chef can possess are proper use of heat, salt, and their knife. Yes, salt. I know, salt is bad for you..blah…blah…blah. Only 10% of American’s blood pressure responds to high salt intake and oh, yeah, YOUR TONGUE HAS A REGION DEVOTED ONLY TO TASTING SALT. So, I highly recommend moderate salt usage.
  79. Also, yelling at your brigade. Gordon Ramsey taught me the value of that.
  80. Twitter has gotten me in touch with some of the coolest people in the world. If you are new to Twitter, sign up and introduce yourself. I will get you in touch with those cool people.
  81. I want to go on Oprah. But because I am writing a novel.
  82. My internal monologue sounds a lot like a Seinfeld stand up routine.
  83. Robert Irvine taught me that it’s okay to have a white board in a kitchen. And for that he will always be awesome.
  84. In the game TIE Fighter I once destroyed a Victory-class Star Destroyer. Why is that relevant? Because this is thing #84 and I ain’t that interesting.
  85. I was an English major in college. I can pontificate for hours on obscure literary passages if you’re ever up for it.
  86. I don’t understand how bacon became so popular. I really don’t. Seriously, leave me a comment if you can explain it to me.
  87. I like tofu. And so should you.
  88. When I am in my kitchen cooking, I always pretend I am on Top Chef and I am in the middle of an elimination challenge. I am that competitive. Fortunately, I always win.
  89. I hate my kitchen. We got “new appliances” when we moved in. Apparently, the former owners took the good stuff and gave us crap.
  90. So I have to adjust how hot I say to cook things on the stove. My stove only has two settings: high and off. Seriously, I can set the big burner to medium and put my hand on it for five minutes without feeling a thing.
  91. I belive strongly in slow food. I am a locavore, but I will eat organic from California before I eat local food grown with hormones and pesticides. Locally grown pesticides will kill me just as good as pesticides anywhere else.
  92. I can eat jello with chopsticks.
  93. I gargle tequilla. I usually get people to buy another round when I do.
  94. My favorite vegetable is Brussels sprouts. Yep, I’m weird. But only roasted. Not boiled.
  95. My favorite dessert is Chef Jasper’s cannolis. Then angel food cake.
  96. Andrew, the sushi chef at Shogun, is the greatest sushi chef ever. He once told me that he’s never seen anyone eat sushi like me. I told him to stop talking and make my fifth platter. Only half of that is true.
  97. Even though I make jokes whenever I can, I do take food and food writing seriously.
  98. I suck at food presentation and photography. I am so not visual and I don’t eat with my eyes. I eat with my nose and mouth. I don’t care how a food looks.
  99. The only foods I will reject without eating are mussels (food poisoning) and octopus (chewy.) Other than that, I’ll eat anything.
  100. My favorite TV show is Chuck. Hooray for nerds!
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